Tuesday, November 23, 2010
It's right here:
Looks sound, huh? (Slaps forehead)
But we better make sure extending those unemployment benefits to the 10% who can't find work in the worst economy in 70 years is paid for.
Those greedy fucks getting 35% of what they made at their previous employer.
"The definition of stupidity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results"
Monday, November 22, 2010
"Fire Ferentz! Fire O'Keefe! This is unacceptable!"
(Cue eye rub)
Frustrating? You bet your ass. Dissapointing? Yep. Unacceptable?! Accept it.
Dumb asses, do you realize we were all singing Ferentz's praises when he was 8-4 in 2008?
Here's a small example of the difference between a BCS season at Iowa and a ho-hum trip to Tampa, that 80% of programs would kill for.
1.WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED: Despite ,apparently, being coached to throw only to running backs and tight ends three yards downfield during a two minute drill, Ricky Stanzi leads Iowa during the last minute and a half against Michigan State. A slant to Marvin McNutt on the last play of the game wins it for Iowa, 15-13.
WHAT EASILY COULD'VE HAPPENED: Stanzi's pass is two inches higher and it bounces off McNutt's right shoulder pad and falls innocently to the turf. Iowa loses 13-9.
2. WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED: Tyler Sash brings an INT back 95 yards against Indiana after it bounces off 4 players. It completely reverses the game and momentum, going from a 27 or 31 to 7 deficit to 24-14 going into the 4th quarter. Which leads to a meltdown by Indiana's defense and a "where the hell was this all fucking game" breakout by Stanzi and Iowa's offense.
WHAT EASILY COULD'VE HAPPENED: Chappel's pass falls incomplete, IU settles for a FG and takes a 27-7 lead into the 4th. Still think the comeback happens? OR the INT is caught but Sash is tackled right where he catches it. Down at the 5. Iowa still has to go 95 yards to score. Still think the comeback happens?
3. WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED: Thanks to an unbelievably asinine rule Iowa has to block 2 FGs as time expires to knock off FCS Juggernaut Northern Iowa, 17-16.
WHAT EASILY COULD'VE HAPPENED: The guy makes the motherfucking FG. Iowa loses to a fucking FCS team and the season gets off to a rousing start. Still think they go 10-2?
There ya go, Hawk fans. Now, you're 7-5 and in the Champs Sports Bowl instead of the Orange.
1. WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED: After a clusterfuck on special teams and a Pick Six, Iowa snags momentum back from Arizona with a 4 yard TD pass to Jewel Hampton (remember him? The guy that could've been the zing to Adam Robinson's zang. Therefore, making the Iowa offense more unpredictable and y'know...better?) to make it 14-7. Only to give up a 100 yard KO return for a TD to lose whatever momentum they've gained.
WHAT EASILY COULD'VE HAPPENED: Iowa gets it's head out of it's ass and actually tackles the guy at say the 45. An inspired defense comes out and stuffs Arizona for a quick 3 and out. The teams trade FGs the rest of the half and Iowa is down 17-10 at half. Instead of 27-7. A game they eventually tied BTW....
2. WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED: Wisconsin trails Iowa by 6 with under 7 minutes to play.Iowa forces a 3 and out and the Badgers are forced to punt. A fake goes for 8,000 yards before Iowa players realize there's not a ball in the air. Wisconsin takes it down the field from there (converting an "OK you're not that good, Scott Tolzien" 4th down pass) and go on to win 31-30.
WHAT EASILY COULD'VE HAPPENED: Iowa's coaching staff looks away for a moment from the robotic game plan and realizes that a fake may be something to watch for in that situation. Wisconsin realizes that they are in "punt safe", he kicks it and Iowa gets good field position to kick a game clinching FG.
OR Iowa makes a goddamn extra point or doesn't drop a snap on a chip shot FG. OR Scott Tolzien's 4th and 3 pass is 3 inches down and the receiver can't catch it. Iowa gets ball on down. Game over. See where I'm going with this?
3. WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED: Dan Persa completes a 20 some yard TD pass with 1:30 left to give Northwestern a 21-17 lead against an inexplicably drained Iowa defense.
WHAT EASILY COULD'VE HAPPENED: Adrian Clayborn gets off one of his blockers/holders a second sooner, Persa's "brilliant" pass is now a prayer and Micah Hyde, who had decent coverage, turns around to make the pick. Game over.
4. WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED: Terrel Pryor converts a 4th and forever on a SCRAMBLE! Ohio State goes on to score a touchdown in a plot so predictable the writers of Scooby Doo Mysteries are shadowing the Iowa coaches this week.
WHAT EASILY COULD'VE HAPPENED: Iowa's coaching staff realizes that when you have 3 time outs left and you see the other team going for it on 4th and game, you may want to call a TO to reset the defense. OR Iowa leaves a linebacker in to shadow Pryor and they makes a tackle before he actually gets to the marker. Iowa takes over on downs and worst case, OSU is forced to drain their TOs and Iowa punts it away with 2 minutes left, deep into OSU territory.
Honorable mention: Indiana's receiver actually catches the ball. Iowa loses.
OK, so now Iowa is 10-0 or 9-1 (the Arizona game was a toss up even without all the bullshit) OR they're currently 6-5. All on the whim of a handful of plays/decisions. Ya see?!
It's not rocket science, people. Iowa's margin for error is small. Actually, most of college football is like this. It comes down, essentially, to about 10 plays every year whether or not you go 11-1 or 10-2 or you go 6-6 or 7-5. Iowa made most of them last year. They're not this year.
You would think Iowa fans would be used to this by now.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Holy God. If I was one of these actors a long alcohol shower would've been in my future. The 8 second mark is my personal favorite but it keeps going after that. Oh, and try not to eat your hand from the intelligence insulting 33 to 50 second mark.
And then there's this one:
...aaaaand this one
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
At least I didn't have to watch Pat Fitzgerald dance around like an asshole.
The Good: Um.....Marvin McNutt? Guy made an unreal catch to keep some hope alive during Iowa's Chinese Fire Drill last drive. Alan Reisner also bailed Stanzi out of a few fucking putrid throws. Seriously, Rick, you can throw to someone else on 3rd down.
The Bad: Where to start? Stanzi has reverted back in some ways to the norm. The INT with 10 minutes left was just a brutal decision that gave Northwestern a glimmer. And that's all those dickfaces need. Iowa was running at will at that point and could've, at worst, ran another four minutes off the clock but no, Stanzi had to remember they were playing Northwestern and it was about time someone had to piss in their pants. Cue wounded duck into triple coverage. McNutt running underneath without a guy within 10 yards of him on that play, BTW....
I hate to pile on the coaches but Ken O' Keefe really needs to tell Stanzi that it's OK to throw to someone besides his tight end on 3rd down. And you guys really need to work on the 2 minute drill. It shouldn't take a minute to get a first down when the other team is in prevent. And if they aren't? Go deep. The cluelessness is pretty inexcusable to be honest.
The Godawful: It's November, guys. Defensive players shouldn't be falling over like wounded Rebels at Gettysburg. When I saw Clayborn and Klug and the lot sucking air on the last drive I knew it was over. And the drive before that. And the drive before that. I'm baffled as to how 22 year old guys on a football team can be that winded in the middle of a late season game. Nice conditioning.
The defense is so overrated it's not even worth talking about anymore. That's 4 times that they needed to make a stop and didn't. I'm not counting Indiana as a stop, it was dumb luck. (The same Indiana team that just gave up 83 to Wisconsin BTW...Stay classy, Brett!) That's not an anomaly, that's not bad luck , that's just a defense that can't get it done when it needs to. Some good players but really not very tough to beat when you get down to it.
Yeah, they can win the next two and go 9-3 and that's not terrible but I saw nothing yesterday or the week before that leads me to believe they can beat Ohio State. It's possible and college football is queer that way but this is a deeply flawed team.
The Insight Bowl is a very real possibility. I think I have plans that night.
P.S.-- Fitzgerald said in his post game news conference that he refers to the last 5 minutes of the game as "Cat Time"....Oh, Fuuuuuuuck you!
P.S.S-- the officiating was fucking brutal. Clayborn was ass raped on the first scoring drive by NW and I lost count at 7 on obvious holding calls on Persa's "scrambles". Jesus. I hate being that guy but these refs didn't help. And last time I checked a defensive player hitting a guy a full second before the ball gets there is still pass interference, even on a Hail Mary. Ref standing 5 feet away looking right at it.
This is getting old.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Playing Northwestern is like eating an old and bad bowl of soup.
You know, something like minestrone, an already dull bowl of bland in my world (even good ones), and one that's been sitting, simmering on low for days.
The kind of soup experience that involves going to a restaurant for lunch that you didn't want to go to in the first place but your first three choices were either closed or packed. So you end up at a diner-ish style place that's a ghost town and smells like tears.
You just want something simple like a quick soup and sandwich. The server, doubling as the fry cook by the look of his apron and skin, says they have two soups, a broccoli cheese and a minestrone. Judging by the smell of the place, you pass on anything dairy-related and opt for the minestrone.
Out comes an unfortunate bowl of odd-colored liquid with unidentifiable floaties in it that defy description. The peas are gray, the carrots are a mushy paste, your server skimmed off the top so no rice is in sight and copious amounts of oily goo begins to clot and bubble to the top of the exceedingly hot bowl.
You're hungry and alone so you get up the courage to dare to take a bite and it tastes exactly like you expect - like burned moth balls and Elmer's glue dipped in sadness.
That's what the week leading up to Northwestern feels like. That's what watching the game feels like. That's what it feels like after the game, every year, when the bitter taste of reassessment on Iowa's season hits my tongue.
Every year. Every mid-November when the weather begins to turn gloomy and Iowa sits in a position that makes you think "what if." And then Northwestern comes along. Northwestern (next year is October 15, Thank all that is holy).
Lost five of the last six to Northwestern.
And by the looks of Minnesota today, that one might not be a gimme. Could this team really end up 7-5? This team?
Iowa basketball today at 2pm. New coach, new players, why not?
I know what to expect from them. Anything else is a bonus.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
Anyway, the increasingly idiotic American voting public will once again put back into power a party that four short years ago was booted out in epic asswhompery. Yep, the party that thinks it's a good idea to stall unemployment benefits in a jobless recovery, did nothing about skyrocketing health costs in the 6 years they were in control of all three branches and thinks boys kissing is the single most awful social issue today. Way to go, America!
I have said it from day one, the Tea Party (God, I'll be glad when that shit goes away Wednesday) will get the GOP a whole bunch of seats tomorrow and it will also kill them in the long run. It actually is hurting them this year. It was a walk to control of the Senate but a wacko nut job in Delaware made a safe Republican seat an easy Democratic win and only bat shit insane idiot Sharon Angle could lose to Harry Reid. Whuuuut?! Reid may still lose but for him to even be within 10 points of anybody speaks to her coo-coo for cocoa puffs instability.
So, way to go America. You get what you deserve.
Predictions: 54 seat pick up for the Republicans in the House and your clueless, asshole Republican Uncle will think the Sun will shine brighter and the bird's songs will be more beautiful. Sean Hannity jerks off on national TV. Rush Limbaugh will somehow bring race into the equation. Keith Olbermann implodes on his self righteous anger.
7 seat pick up in the Senate. Democrats still control but with a basically 50/50 breakdown it makes it an even more worthless body of White people getting together for no good purpose.
Surprises: Harry Reid eeks it out in Nevada and along with Christine O'Donnell getting asshammered in Delaware they lose Two seats that "mainstream" Republicans would've easily won and given the GOP control. Thanks, Tea Party!
Good luck with those folks, Republicans!
Cue the infighting......