" That's just the sort of blinkered, Philistine Pig ignorance I've come to expect from you non-creative garbage!"

John Cleese

Friday, February 29, 2008

Perhaps Americans Are A Little Brighter Than I Thought...

Now, if we can just get "My Boys" axed I will sleep a little better.

NBC Pulls the Plug on 'Quarterlife'

NBC pulled “Quarterlife,” the made-for-Internet series, on Thursday, after broadcasting only one low-rated episode. The network had intended to run the series on the next five Sunday nights; “Dateline NBC” and reruns of “Law & Order” will replace it. (the shows that NBC runs out to replace shit)On Wednesday Marshall Herskovitz, a co-creator of the series, said it did not belong on broadcast television because its subject matter, the lives of blog-savvy men and women in their 20s, was too narrow for a network audience.(yeah, those pesky people who want to be entertained, not bored) “If it was going to go on TV, it probably should have been on a cable network, and that’s probably where it’s going to end up,” Mr. Herskovitz said at a conference at Harvard. (Yeah, THAT'S why it got shitty ratings. Keep telling yourself that.)An NBC spokeswoman confirmed that the show would run its course on the Bravo cable channel. “Quarterlife” stirred considerable interest as the first network show born on the Internet. (The six people who watch shows on the Internet were enraptured!)It originally consisted of eight-minute Web episodes, which were then strung together into one-hour episodes for television. (I can't imagine why that wouldn't work!)

A Bit Eerie...

William F. Buckley, Jr. died two days ago.
Charlie Rose ran a retrospective of the life of Buckley on the night he died.

While never, ever a fan, Buckley shaped what became the modern conservative movement until the Evangelicals took it over and warped it into something not only to combat, as Buckley did, but into something to be feared.

Sad state of affairs that Buckley's world could be seen through downright nostalgic eyes.

And watching Buckley talking about being ready to shuffle off this mortal coil is a bit eerie.

Start at 48:45.

Friday Isn't For Thinking

This is precisely why we Sox fans (and others) hate the Cubs fan base. Do they realize that Wrigley Field is a CORPORATE name? Wrigley gum. Ring a bell?
It's the smug, self satisfaction of these "die hards" that annoy us. It's the holier than thou attitude towards themselves that irritate. It's the sad devotion to a decrepit, aging, shithole stadium. It's the tired arguments about "attendance". It's the weird, masochistic pride in not winning a World Series for 100 years (Red Sox and White Sox fans kind of felt ashamed of it before we won ours). It's the fact that they still wheel out some asshole to sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" TEN fucking years after Harry Caray turned into dirt.
When Comiskey Park was demolished in 1990 we Sox fans were slightly upset about it. We had fond memories of the park and our trips there as children. But we didn't holler and stomp and get all apoplectic about it. We realized, deep down, that the place was falling apart, past it's prime--an armpit. Down she goes. Yeah, the new park was antiseptic and sterile and BLUE.
But at least it's comfortable! Wrigley Field is the most uncomfortable place to watch a game I've ever been to. And I've been to Kinnick Stadium! The seats are small, the wind whips around like a Tilt-a-Whirl and it shouldn't take 2 innings to take a piss!!
I get the nostalgia. I get the love for it but I don't get the unconditional love for it. Realize it needs fixing. Realize it predates Moses. Realize that winning a championship will make you realize the rest of it pales in comparison.
I've had ten people remind me that today is a leap year day. Why? What is so interesting about this? Yes, I get it. Some people who were born on February 29th actually celebrate their birthdays on the 28th. And yes, it's amusing that somebody who is 55 is "actually" 22 or something. Ha-ha. Go away.
I hit a pothole yesterday that was roughly the size of a swimming pool. It was on Willow Road. It was the worst road I have ever been on in my life. It's how I imagine the roads in Mongolia. Seriously, can we get somebody on this? I know they're all over but it was so bad I honestly think the road should've been shut down.
Have you ever been too lazy to fix something to eat? I was last night. I was hungry. I needed to eat. But I was so comfortable on the couch that I didn't . Fixing a sandwich was too much work. I ate a granola bar that was brought to me. Sad.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

It Didn't Take Them Long...

This is going to be a constant thing in the election, mark my words. The Republicans will "decry" the tactics but their pit bulls will continue to do it. And the slack jawed racist douchebags (i.e Southerners) will buy into it. You can set your watch to this shit. And this Bill Cunningham guy? Complete asshole. Complete.

Republicans decry use of 'Hussein' in Obama's name

From Alex Mooney CNN

(CNN) -- Republican National Committee Chairman Mike Duncan formally denounced on Thursday the Tennessee Republican Party's use of Barack Obama's full name in a recent news release questioning the Illinois senator's commitment to Israel.

Some in the GOP say the use of Sen. Barack Obama's middle name in a release is a distraction.

"The RNC rejects these kinds of campaign tactics," Duncan said in a statement. "We believe this election needs to be about the critical issues confronting our nation."
The statement in question, which was released Monday, said the state party is joining a "growing chorus of AmericaWASHINGTON ns concerned about the future of the nation of Israel ... if Sen. Barack Hussein Obama is elected president of the United States."
It also included a photograph of
Obama from a 2006 trip to Kenya, in which he is dressed in traditional attire.
The news release was sparked by recent praise for the senator from Nation of Islam Leader Louis Farrakhan, who has made derogatory remarks about Judaism and has indicated his support for Obama.
At Tuesday night's MSNBC debate, Obama said he denounced those comments and did not seek Farrakhan's support.
On Wednesday night, the party removed both the photo and the reference of "Hussein" from the statement after Tennessee Sen. Lamar Alexander called to express his belief that using them had become a distraction, Tennessee
GOP Communications Director Bill Hobbs said.

The news release now includes a clarification that reads, "This release originally referenced a photo of Sen. Obama and incorrectly termed it to be 'Muslim' garb. It is, in fact, Somali tribal garb, hence, we have deleted the photo. Also, in order to diffuse attempts by Democrats and the Left to divert attention from the main point of this release -- that Sen. Obama has surrounded himself with advisers and received endorsements from people who are anti-Semitic and anti-Israel -- we have deleted the use of Barack Obama's middle name."
Hobbs said Thursday that the party will no longer use Obama's middle name in news releases.
"We're not going to be using the middle name now, because apparently, it's become a distraction," he said. "But I would note, not too long ago, I saw a wire story out of the Middle East that talked about how a lot of people there are hungry for Obama to win and, in part, because his middle name gives him a connection, and that story used his middle name, so we're not the first people to notice and use his middle name."
Hobbs denied that the use of Obama's full name carried any racial overtones but said he wasn't surprised the statement has caused such an uproar.
"The left always finds something to pick at other than to describe the issues; we're not surprised at all."
The news release, however, drew a sharp rebuke Wednesday from Tennessee Democratic Party Chairman Gray Sasser, who said it "amplifies misinformation, discredited tall tales and Internet innuendo to appeal to the worst in people."
Though it was issued Monday, the release came under fresh scrutiny Wednesday after conservative talk radio host Bill Cunningham repeatedly used Obama's full name at a
John McCain campaign event in Cincinnati, Ohio, while describing Obama as a "hack Chicago-style Daley politician" who had yet to be challenged by the media. And McCain, who on Tuesday denounced Cunningham's remarks, also indicated Wednesday evening that he disapproved of the news release.
"This will be a respectful debate," the Arizona senator said in San Antonio. "I have pledged if I am able to secure the nomination of my party, it will be a respectful debate; I will continue to treat Sen. Clinton and Sen. Obama with respect, just as I have treated my primary opponents with great respect."

Wednesday, February 27, 2008


The future wife, Mazy Famber, went down to Brimingham, Alabama Monday to interview for a job. If it is all that she wants and fits her salary requirements, blah, blah, we will probably go. If you would've told me five, hell ONE, year ago that I would be living in Birmingham, Alabama or anywhere in the South I would've told you were bat shit.
I don't really know what I'm thinking about it. Since it's not really official yet I guess there's no sense in projecting anything. Hell, she may not even be offered the job! But I can't help thinking about it. Birmingham..Alabama....Alabama?! The only state that President DipShit has an approval rating in the 60s? That place? The home of Fried Okra? (WTF is with that anyway?)
Where NASCAR is actually talked about on sports radio? Me. In Alabama. Wow.
You know what my only stick in the mud, absolutely no negotiation thing is? We have to live in a building that will allow Directv. There is no way in HELL I'm gonna be stuck watching the Alabama Fucking Crimson Tide or Jimbo J. Huckleberry's NASCAR Review! No quarter given on that one. If i can't watch the White Sox, Hawkeyes or Chiefs I will go batty. I mean that. So, I don't care if it's the greatest apartment (we're renting the first year in case we fucking hate it) ever invented. If there's no southern sky unobstructed or we're not allowed to have it--buh-bye.
I'll probably enjoy certain things about it (not getting taxed by Todd Stroger for breathing is one of them) and some stuff I'll probably hate about it. I honestly don't know how I will adapt to being surrounded by so many members of the Bat Shit Wing of the GOP. I may run amok.
But, we'll see. It may not even be a problem to face. Keep you updated.

Like Thirtysomething, Only Pukier.

If you have a masochistic bone in your body - of which I have many - you would do yourself a great service by checking out Quarterlife (Oh, I'm sorry, the Q is not capitalized - insert finger down throat).
Created by those masters of vomit-inducing pretention and angst, Marshall Herskovitz and Edward Zwick, quarterlife follows a group of 25 year-olds just tryin' to make it in this tech-savvy and emotionally alienating world (on knees and dry-heaving).

The main character's a wanna-be writer (Natch) who works at a hip but still 'part of the problem' magazine called Attitude (Natch, part deux and...Eaaasy Stomach).  

Her friends/roommates/co-workers are...yes...an actor/bartender, a wanna-be filmmaker, an environmental activist, a musician and a resident 'free spirit' (Glurp...little chunk).  

The story centers around our wanna-be writer as she video-blogs her every waking thought (Yep!  I just projectile vomited!).  

Thank all that is holy for happy accidents.  I was flipping through the on-screen guide and saw some show on NBC that really didn't have a description but said 'Series Premiere'.  Fuck it, maybe it will be decent, I thought.

And boy, was it.  Glorious, glorious, glorious crap television.   

Makes me want to rent Thirtysomething and have a theme party.  

Come as your favorite pretentious asshole.  I got dibs on Miles Drentell.

This and The Black Dahlia on back-to-back nights?  Is it Christmas?

In other news:

Sean Salisbury, the man who sends pictures of his penis via cellphone, is finally out at ESPN. Somewhere, John Clayton just let out a little pee.

Obama is an acolyte of behavioral economics.  I like him even more.

On Obama, get your Chicago White Sox Obama t-shirts here.  I gots me mine.

Hillary.  Please stop bitching about the raw deal you're supposedly getting from the press.  It makes you look small.

You'd think the Food Network would check a résumé after the Next Food Network Star debacle.

Next post is #100 here at Big Red Egg.  Mr. Wiggin is pleased and said your lump of coal is in the mail.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

But what will happen to the children!

Starbucks will close today from 5:30-8:30 for staff retraining.
And seemingly every major new outlet has it above-the-fold on their webpage.

I'm not going to get into a debate over the quality of Starbucks java.

That's been covered.  It's mediocre to marginally bad brew that's somewhat overpriced (local houses aren't much better) but, at times, it's becomes serviceable due to its just ridiculous amount of outlets.
Honestly, I've probably been to a store twice in the last year.  And I paid with a gift card. 

But in yet another example of the continued, unabated infiltration of infotainment into the everyday, this is news to the people who are supposed to bring us news.

Here's Yahoo.     And here's the Chicago Tribune.

Or how about the Sun-Times. And MSNBC.

It was in the 'most-viewed' on CBS. And the top 'most-read' on Fox News.

Newsweek as a story losing steam. CNN found these two most apt.

And so on and so on and so on.

Well (he said in an exasperated middle-aged woman's voice)!  What the fuck are we going to do for three hours?

And if Florida didn't go into the dark ages today, this story would have stayed within eye's view all day (screenshots taken at 4pm).

What's next?  Front-page feature stories when McDonald's rolls out a new product?  

Oh, wait.  The Tribune did that.

Don't mind me.  Just screaming into the dying of the light. 

In other news:

Farmio and Chrissy are back!  First White Sox spring training on the radio tomorrow afternoon with the broadcast going interactive after the fourth inning.  Should be bundles of stomach-turning fun. 

Because it's funny...

Harrison Ford, Brad Pitt, Robin Williams, Don Cheadle and a cast of thousands help Jimmy Kimmel respond to Sarah Silverman's 'I'm fucking Matt Damon' with....

I'm fucking Ben Affleck.

And here's the original:

Hat tip to Angry White Guy in Chicago.

Holy Mother of Crap!

I found it!  

It had been sitting on my TiVo for a couple of weeks just staring at me.  I recorded it on a whim and completely blame the Writer's Strike for forcing into such depths.

If I were to give odds, I would say there was a 1.2% chance in this lifetime that I would ever have watched it.  But I cannot describe the unmitigated glee and pure, unadulterated joy I have for doing so.

I have found an absolute in life.

The Black Dahlia is the worst movie ever made.  

Period.  Over.  Done.

I say that knowing it's fresh in my mind, having just watched it but...

I demand everyone reading this to drop what they're doing right now and go find it. 

We're talking the total package.

A howlingly bad script with some of the best unintentionally camp dialogue.  Some of the most scattered direction ever witnessed by any director, made even better by the fact that Brian DePalma did it!  Knee-slappingly bad acting by Josh Hartnett and Aaron Eckhart with Scarlett Johansson really shining with a turd performance to rival all turd performances.  God, I felt bad for Mia Kirshner.  She was the only one that looked like she was even trying.

A set design so achingly trying to be the film noir of all film noir and failing miserably.  A mind-bogglingly bad score that is two notches too high and so terribly (and continuously) obtrusive that it becomes a joke five minutes into the movie.  A story flow so disjointed and convoluted I was laughing...hard...and I was watching alone.

My God, that was fun.

For shits and giggles, check out some of these reviews.  Nathan Rabin is no longer allowed to touch a keyboard in my world again.

Monday, February 25, 2008

They're A Triple Threat!

The Coen Brothers take the prize for Best Choreography!

Oscar Thoughts..

I can't watch awards shows without thinking of this:

or this:

I hate when the presenters start doing shtick: Painful. I immediately start for the remote.

I have seen 3 of the 5 movies nominated for Best Picture and the one that won was head and shoulders above the other 2 I saw. Not saying the other two were bad just not other worldy good like "No Country..."

I forgot Jennifer Hudson and Forest Whitaker won last year? Does this make me racist?

I was happy to see the song from "Once" win. The guy looks like my buddy, James. Scary.

Is Daniel Day Lewis trying to look as gay as possible? Just sayin'..

Tilda Swinton sort of looks like the girl in Speech class that never laughed. I can see her saying, "Why are we laughing when people are starving in Rawanda?". Not saying she is that person, she just looks like that type.

Answers to Pre-Oscar Questions:

If you want to refresh memory: Click

1. Some cinematographer. (Ledger applause was more subdued than I anticipated. Short memories in Hollywood? Never.)

2. Hmmm.. She actually gave a decent acceptance speech. I guess. I tuned out halfway through.
If she had, however, it would've been Ruffles and Sprite.

3. Hal Holbrook (He could've been confused, though. He's 100.)

4. 10:50

Winners get a nod and a half curl of acceptance.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Am I alone on this?

I actually watched the Oscars last night.
It wasn't like I haven't watched them lately out of some protest or because of the inherent stupidity of it all.

I just usually worked on Sunday nights. 

And since my wife and I have essentially boycotted Chicago theaters because...well...they're fucking annoying, I haven't seen There Will Be Blood or No Country for Old Men yet.

But I have seen Michael Clayton and...

WTF?  Can someone explain to me how this is seen in anyone's eyes as even a moderately good film, let alone one of the five best?

I know, I know.  Bitching about the Oscars is about as original as bitching about the weather, but help me out.

It was fiiiinnneee, but seemed a bit too enamored with and self-conscious of its own subtlety and restraint. 

I liked that Clooney's character was not clichéd in the least and that it didn't become 'a thriller with a social conscience'.  Tom Wilkinson learned to play something other than a morose parent of a dead child/friend/country (now a crazy parent of a dead child) and the film played as a character study more than anything but only just barely.

But did it leave anyone else completely flat?  As in -  did the payoff fall short for anyone else with what we were asked to believe and endure?  

Again, great to see a movie go small and not play into tired platitudes (I was waiting to find out that Michael Clayton left the DA's office because he killed some kid high on heroin while driving in a stolen drug dealer's car and now he must live with that).  Things didn't happen and for that, as a viewer, I was thankful but, that, in and of itself, just doesn't lead to a crossover into movie-type goodness.

I can't say it's good just because they weren't fucking stupid.

I've always loved Tilda Swinton.  Really.  We named our dog after her.  But in what world, real of theoretical, did that performance deserve a nomination, let alone a win?  She was just there, nothing more.

And running the credits over Clooney sitting in the cab was cheap storytelling.  I truly respect and understand the intention to breathe air into the film and allow the viewer to create a personal coda by contemplating Michael Clayton's own contemplations.  But with what was offered, I only thought manipulation and a writer clueless as to how to end it.  

Or Soderbergh (producer) was standing over his shoulder and told him to just steal the end to Traffic

There.  Now I feel petty and stupid for even thinking about Oscar-type things. 

Pre-Oscar Questions

Who will be the poor bastard who gets tepid applause right before they show Heath Ledger in the Annual "People Who Croaked Last Year" musical montage?

If Diablo Cody wins and says something akin to "blog talk" in her acceptance speech what will i barf up?

Who will stone face Jon Stewart after he makes a joke about some star?

When will it end?

Answers on Monday.

I voted for Nader...twice.

Not so loud, Christo.
Actually, I have not and will not justify my previous predilection for this progressive pudwhack, particularly as a pointed protest at the poll.

There.  I said it.  And fuck anybody who attempts to shame anyone into voting any other way.

Something happened to the Democratic Party on the way to the forum.  It's always been hard for us Dems to reconcile their superlative idealism with the sausage-making reality of politics.

But the sheer time logged driving in a peculiar direction says much.

Ever have a friend with a strange and growing habit of disappointing?  
He/she used to be a stand-up person, someone to be trusted to make something resembling prudent decisions w/r/t you and others in your life.   

But over the last few years, a sea change occurred.  Maybe they smoked too much pot.  Maybe a bad relationship skewed their worldview w/r/t human behavior.  Maybe they realized that being a bad person just benefitted their world more.  But the excuses were always there and always expected to gloss over the transgression.

At some point, as a friend, a choice has to be made.  You have to choose if you want this type of recklessness in your life anymore.  In essence, when things begin to approach critical mass, you have to ask if you're going to grow a set and cut the cord.

With the Democrats over the last two decades, a bizarre new tapestry of bad choices and indecisiveness emerged.  

It's not new.  For evidence of that, check this out.

But with all the love and adoration lauded upon the Clinton era, know that the warts come with it.  If the Democrats wish to take credit for the 90s economy and balancing the budget, you have to take these with you:
  • The Welfare Reform Act of 1996, enthusiastically signed by Clinton.
  • A complete and utter lack of progress on overhauling health care.
  • Absolutely no meaningful correction of the economics of Social Security.
  • Presiding over the rampant and reckless expansion of unfettered globalization.
  • No comprehensive energy policy proposed of any sort.  None.
  • Completely dismantling the intelligence network a mere five years after the Berlin Wall fell.
  • Allowing a watered-down version of campaign-finance reform to pass.
  • Letting the Republicans win the battle of ideas when so much is on our side.
It's all a big, reeking package.  No cherry-picking allowed.

I'm not above it.  But spending the better half of two decades defining ourselves by what we're not takes a toll.

And I have no plans to leave the Democratic Party.  But at some point, the excuses get tiresome.  

Of course the Republicans are comically evil and of course Bush's incompetence became dangerous about three and a half seconds after he stepped in office.

But let's take just one issue:  A comprehensive energy policy.

With control of Congress and the public currently acutely aware of our energy issues, the Democrats are in a prime position to nail Bush to the wall by turning his own words back on him, stay on point and scream for a real discussion.

But what do the most active Democrats do with their time lately? 

Pick an absolutely losing battle and demand Bush be impeached.  Way to pick a winner.

It's moments like this that I question what my fellow Democrats are truly interested in.

Congressional control went from elation to emollience in six very short months.  I shouldn't have been surprised.  And I shouldn't be surprised that fellow Democrats' reactions to such things boil down to a shrug and a sigh with a snarky Bush joke attached.

I have no illusions about the Green Party.  I'm not a member and their meetings are Comedy Gold.  It's like I live back in Iowa City again.

And I have no illusions about Ralph Nader's inherent boobness and arrogance.  I wouldn't vote for him again, mainly because they are choices not named Gore.

But I also ask like many have, "How can a candidate with 2.7% of the popular vote be 100% responsible for the outcome of the election?"

How dare anyone from a party grounded in the superlative idea of liberalism use shame as a weapon and attempt to subvert choice when things don't happen to go their way?

Many have become the very thing they purportedly abhor by using such Republican tactics.  It's akin to questioning someone's patriotism.  Same structure.

So I say bring Nader on, marketplace of ideas, all that crap.

Democrats have to ask what type of people we wish to go to bat with and what type of behavior we want to exemplify when maneuvering in the sausage factory.

A frank and uncompromising look in the mirror is long overdue.

And at some point, the sheer volume of excuses becomes culpability.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

This Is Getting Ri-goddamn-diculous

I have nothing to add to this. Getting old really, really fucking fast.

And WTF is a "tax stamp law"?

Hawkeye football players arrested on drug charges

By Rachel GallegosIowa City Press-Citizen

Two University of Iowa football players were arrested early today at Hillcrest Residence Hall on drug charges. More than a dozen Hawkeye football players have now faced legal trouble in the past year. James Lee Cleveland, 19, was arrested for two counts of unlawful possession of a prescription drug and a tax stamp violation after police allegedly found 21 doses of oxycodone and 24 doses of carisoprodol in his desk.Arvell M. Nelson, 19, was arrested for possession of marijuana after police found the drug in plain view on top of Nelson’s desk.Nelson and Cleveland share a room at N101 Hillcrest Hall.According to University of Iowa Department of Public Safety reports:Nelson was arrested after marijuana was found on top of his desk. He admitted it was marijuana. He was arrested at 2:41 a.m.Cleveland was arrested at 3:01 a.m.Twenty-one doses of oxycodone were found in his desk, and Cleveland admitted the pills were his. He also admitted that the 24 doses of the carisoprodol muscle relaxer pills were his.Neither the oxycodone or carisoprodol pills had a label. Police also did not find a prescription for either drug.Cleveland was also charged with tax stamp violation for possessing 10 or more dosage units of a taxable substance that is not sold by weight for the 21 units of oxycodone.Oxycodone is a pain killer used to treat moderate to severe pain but also has high abuse potential because it can cause addiction and withdrawal symptoms.Carisoprodol is a muscle relaxer that works by blocking nerve impulses, or pain sensations, from being sent to the brain. It is used to treat injuries and other painful muscular conditions. The medication can be habit forming.Cleveland, a freshman wide receiver, was one of five Iowa football players named to the 2007 Sporting News freshman all-Big Ten team. He caught 36 passes for 464 yards to rank second on the team this past season.Nelson, a redshirt freshman quarterback from Cleveland, already had been in trouble with law enforcement this school year because he failed to appear at an initial court appearance. He was charged July 2, 2007, with driving with a suspended license and was scheduled to have his initial court appearance Aug. 16, 2007, but didn’t show. A warrant was issued that day for failure to appear, but Nelson turned himself in to authorities and posted a $545 cash bond Aug. 21, 2007.Both Cleveland and Nelson were booked into the Johnson County jail and released on their own recognizance after an initial appearance before a judge. No one answered a reporter's call to Cleveland and Nelson's dorm room.Eleven University of Iowa football players had legal trouble in 2007, ranging from Dominique Douglas’ two rounds of charges — first for unauthorized use of a credit card and second for fifth-degree theft after allegedly taking three DVD movies from Wal-Mart in Iowa City — to several players being charged with drunken driving.Hawkeye football players are also the subject of a sexual assault investigation that began with an Oct. 13 incident at Hillcrest Hall. Prosecutors have yet to announce whether they plan charges as a result of that investigation.Because of the legal troubles, Douglas and wide receive Anthony Bowman were suspended and running back Dana Brown and long snapper Clint Huntrods were dismissed from the team. Douglas has since left UI, and Bowman has been reinstated to the team.

Oh, Give It A REST!!

Ralph, (psst), come here. Let me talk to you for a second. Guess what? You're starting to piss me off.
The lights and cameras are indeed intoxicating. But it is a fickle mistress. You do know that you are completely irrelevant don't you? Don't you?
BTW, anybody who votes for him should be taken out back and beaten with a stick.

Nader considers another presidential run

The 2000 and 2004 third-party candidate plans to make an announcement on Sunday's 'Meet the Press.'
From the Associated Press
February 23, 2008

WASHINGTON -- Ralph Nader could be poised for another third-party presidential campaign.

The consumer advocate will appear on NBC's "Meet the Press" on Sunday to announce whether he will launch another White House bid. Nader kicked off his 2004 run on the show.

A Nader spokesman did not return calls seeking comment.

Kevin Zeese, who was Nader's spokesman during the 2004 race but is no longer working for him, said Friday that Nader had been actively talking to "lots of people on all sorts of levels" about a possible run.

Zeese said he could only guess what Nader might do, but added: "Obviously, I don't think Tim Russert would have him on for no reason."

Peter Camejo, Nader's running mate in 2004, said he wouldn't reveal Nader's plans because he didn't want to upstage the announcement. But he said Nader's overall philosophy on elections was the same.

"You've got to keep running to raise the issues that are never discussed," Camejo said.

Last month, Nader launched a presidential exploratory committee. Its website said he'd fight "corporate greed, corporate power, corporate control."

Many Democrats think Nader, who also ran in 2000, cost them that election by siphoning votes from Al Gore.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Friday Isn't For Thinking

Shit I Don't Care About That Other People Do:

1. The Bulls trade :the NBA was irrelevant to me the minute I heard the term "illegal defense".

2. Survivor: People still watch this shit? I'll admit it. I watched for awhile a few years back. It was mildly engaging. But don't ya think it's run it's course? I actually didn't realize it's still on. This is a good sign, though.

3. American Idol: See above. Now there's a controversy about some of the contestants. Let's hope we can slay this dragon once and for all. I won't get my hopes up.

4. Bullshit, pointless, completely symbolic, possibly well meaning but nonetheless, stupid calls for the impeachment of Bush via blogosphere. I don't like him, either, but do we honestly think any one's gonna pay any attention to this at all on Capitol Hill? I prefer to do my pointless behavior in the bar thank you.

5. Rooting for a particular Oscar nominee to win his or her category. You get a pass if you know them. But what the fuck do I care if some asshole I've never met wins a statue that's basically an opinion poll? I loved "No Country For Old Men" but I'll be able to sleep if "Juno" beats it. I'll still think it was kick ass and "Juno" was a little overrated. I don't hate the Oscars. It's a nice diversion and fun to watch (at least until the 6 hour mark--god, we creative types like to pat ourselves on the back) but I forget about it 2 days later.

6. The weather in Arizona. Every damn sportscaster in Chicago that's covering the Sox or Cubs has to mention it when they sign off. We get it. It's warm there. It's cold here. It's still Arizona. A strip mall with red rocks.

7. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner's baby. Or Brad Pitt's and Angelina Jolie's. Or Jennifer Lopez's and that guy she married (Marc something). Or any body's baby who is a stranger to me. Don't give..a..shit.

That's it for now. I'll add to this as the day goes on probably.

God, I hate February.
And, now...Zlad

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Phil Watch: Adjusting w/o...Garland?

Maybe Phil's going in spurts.
Maybe this two months spent making trite observations about the White Sox will be mirrored by two months spent on the Cubs.

And in all that is holy, please make it soon.

With the hopes that this is the last one of this ilk, here we go:

Mark Buehrle worried that he would be followed around spring training by a ghost this spring. He figured he would be haunted by Jon Garland wherever he went, from the remote practice fields to the big-league clubhouse and at the restaurants where they had shared meals for eight years together.

Is it possible to be haunted by Jon Garland?  Really.  C'mon.  It's Jon Garland.

I'm an Angels fan.  When I heard of the trade, my initial reaction was "Um...what?"  After a few minutes, it became obvious that the Angels were more worried about the bullpen's second half collapse than I thought.  The Garland move for the Angels was done for one reason. Garland eats innings.  That's it.  That's all.  End of discussion.

And the White Sox were not going to sign him.  He was going west after this year no matter what.  For the Sox, getting Cabrera and $1.5 million was an absolute coup.

With that established, in Phil's eyes, apparently Jon Garland is Col. Kurtz.

I wonder if he'll cherry-pick Garland's career statistics (turn head to the sky ponderously)? 

Yet Garland's absence—after 92 victories, 223 starts and 1,428 innings in a White Sox uniform—is as notable this spring as the arrival of any of the newcomers designed to erase the bad memories of 2007.

Ah, consistency in life is important.

When Kenny Williams takes a crap, do you think Phil's there to criticize the technique?

And is there a White Sox fan out there that's going to lament the loss of Garland at any time during this season?  Really.  At any one point during this season, is anyone going to curse Kenny for trading...Jon Garland?

And Phil, grown-ups make decisions not to erase bad memories of the past.  They make decisions to improve their current situation. There's a difference.  

Oh, and Garland's career ERA is 4.41.  His career WHIP is 1.38.  Hits/9?  9.1.  That's bad.  All those aren't particularly good.

Those two 18-win seasons were a lark.  Looks good, but anyone who watched those starts knows they were a bit of a illusion.

Innings.  Eater.  That's all he is. 

And the Sox got arguably the best defensive shortstop in the game for him.

Might want to talk about that.  

"There are not many guys around who are able to take their turn every fifth day and give you 200 innings every year," said Buehrle, who is one of those guys himself. "He's definitely going to be missed. But you have to give up something to get something. We got an outstanding shortstop in Orlando Cabrera."

Hey, this seems like a good opportunity for Phil to discuss Cabrera w/r/t flow and progression of the column.

Will he take this opportunity?

Garland twice won 18 games for the White Sox. He was an All-Star in 2005, finishing sixth in Cy Young voting that season.


And let me be clear here because I prefer not to mention it again.  All-Star.  Voting.  Means.  Absolutely.  Nothing.  In.  This.  World.  Or.  Any.  Theoretical.  Temporal.  Plane.

Okay, got that out.  And if it is important, how does a guy who has been in the league eight years only make the team once?

Cy Young voting?  Tied for sixth that year?

Look closer at the voting and how it's configured!  Garland receives exactly one point in the voting, meaning one sportswriter, probably Phil, gave him one third-place vote. 

It's not a comprehensive points total system extending out 20 spots. Writers vote for first, second and third with first getting five points, second getting three points and third getting one point.  Garland had one guy vote him third.  That.  Is.  All.

Oh, BTW, Garland was 5-6 in the second half of 2005.  Just a thought.

To recap.  All-Star?  Stupid.  And one time in eight years.  Cy Young?  One third-place vote.

Jon Garland is just a guy.  He's Livan Hernandez.  Not a ghost.
Maybe so, but where the White Sox knew what they were going to get from Garland they will have to cross their fingers without him. You worry that he will be one of those guys who is appreciated best when he's not around, especially given that in-house candidates John Danks, Gavin Floyd and Lance Broadway have 15 career victories between them.

And Gio Gonzalez and Fautino de los Santos have exactly no major-league victories between them.
Consider what happened when the Cubs allowed Matt Clement to leave as a free agent after the 2004 season. The right-hander with the billy-goat beard had started 30-plus games each season for Don Baylor and Dusty Baker in 2002-04, helping the Cubs win a division title in '03 and come close in '04.

His departure wasn't considered big news. But the Cubs' victory total dropped from 89 to 79 in 2005, in part because Glendon Rusch, Jerome Williams and Sergio Mitre made a mess of the No. 4 spot in the rotation.

I love the use of 'in part'.  It's so noncommittal and used to avoid complete ownership of the greater point.  'In part' says I'm too lazy to do a larger analysis.

It took me 22 seconds to find this and compare it to this.

The Cubs scored 789 runs in 2004 and 703 runs in 2005.  That's a half-run less per game, roughly translating statistically into a much badder baseball team that was bad at baseball-type things.

It had nothing to do with the fact the Neifi Perez was the shortstop, Ramirez missed 35 games, Todd fuckin' Hollandsworth was the left fielder, Jeromy Burnitz was the right fielder and their center fielder in Corey Patterson hit .215 (and led off for the first half of the year with a .254 OBP).

Really.  Check it out.

Nope.  It was because Matt Clement wasn't the fourth starter.


Odds and Ends

Gee, I can't imagine why our mortgate and housing industry is going in the shitter. I am in the midst of trying to fix my credit. Ran into some trouble over the years (i.e I was broke off my ass) and it hurt my score.

I have raised my score almost 80 points in the last year and I'm happy about that. Most of my bad debt is over 5 years old and my recent payment histories are good. At least according to the two bureaus I've been monitoring it with: Experion and Equifax. In my stupid blind faith in the system I decided not to really monitor the third: Trans Union. Well, I've just received my TU Credit Report and about half of it is as factual as the movie "JFK". (Not very). Student loans that I consolidated FIVE years ago are reported as past due, my car that I paid off a year ago is still listed as open and a slew of other things including them having me working at Pratt Audio Visual in Bettendorf! Uh, left there in 2001, folks. 2001.

THIS is what we base our financial dealings on? This fucked up system?
So, of course, now I have to go through the gigantic pain in the ass of tryng to fix this. Just what I need, another fucking thing to deal with. Christ. Nice system.


I bought my first pre season baseball preview magazine yesterday. That's an annual event for me. Along with the College and NFL Football mags. It's a nice feeling. Of course, none of them have the Sox doing shit this season. Probably means they win 90 games.


So, I see John McCain has been accused by the New York Times of impropreity with a lobbyist. My response? Who cares. He can twiddle his dick wherever he wants. Same as Clinton. Don't care. Now, if McCain goes ahead and perjures himself, then we have a different story. But fucking a lobbyist? Don't care.
Same goes for Obama's speeches being "stolen". Don't care. Not an issue.

BTW, Hillary just needs to step out of the way. It's obvious Obama can beat McCain. Hell, a poll came out yesterday that showed Obama leading McCain in TEXAS! Yeah, I think he may have a pretty good chance.

Of course, Ohio will probably go for Clinton and fuck the whole thing up again. Get with it, Ohio!

And, no, Kerry didn't lose Ohio because of some voter suppression conspiracy. Let that go right..fucking..now.


Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Jerry Think It's An Entity

I hate to make this into that type of post but I have to regail you with the story of how I vomited today.
Yep. Vomit. Sick? No. Drunk? I wish. Nope this came from the smell eminating from the can at work.
A guy i work with does his daily constitutional around 11 every day. Like clockwork. I've never seen a guy so regular. Anyway, he leaves the most goddawful smell you will ever encounter. I know everyone has smelled that demonic type of after smell many times. As have I. I'm telling you-this puts all of them to shame. It is so damn disgusting that it comes up THROUGH the door and into the vents. That's where my puke comes in. It was so fowl that it hit me at my seemingly safe cubicle but it seeped through the vents like a poisonous gas and infiltrated the lobby! It was too much. I wretched. Christo, to give you some sort of reference--it makes the Wapello smell seem like a walk through the Botanical Gardens.
Get me Max Von Sydow!
As big of a Beatles fan as I am I had never watched the film "Help!" in it's entirety. It was on late Saturday and since I was up I decided to watch it. Now, it's awful as far as story line and whatnot goes. Very dated. But the musical numbers could pass for videos made today. Honestly. And, yes, they are smoking pot for breakfast and yes, it's noticeable.
Fucking great. I knew the music, of course, but had never seen the "videos".
Side note--When Dick Lester (the director of this and 'Hard Days Night') was given an award by MTV declaring him the "Father of MTV" his response was, "I demand a blood test!"..Well played, sir.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Phil Watch: Dude, Let It Go.

Okay.  Someone in the Sox organization - probably Guillen, maybe Kenny - made fun of Phil a few years ago and he hasn't let it go.
It's the only explanation for his myopic, redundant, vindictive and vituperative columns.

Really.  It's the only reason I can think of for this crap.  He essentially writes the same article over and over again, changing only the intro.

With that, we're given today's offering.

A lack of talent throughout the organization contributed to their first losing season since 1999 and left general manager Ken Williams with the team's first top-10 draft pick since 1990. The Sox's slide has coincided with the rise of the American League Central as arguably baseball's best division.

Same crap, different day.  Yes.  We get it.  You believe and an argument could be made that the AL Central is the best division in baseball.  You said it here and here and here and here.  And that's only in the last six weeks.

And a lack of talent?  Um, what?

Ever have a friend or acquaintance that just says stupid shit because he doesn't have the innate ability to cogently form a complex or nuanced opinion on anything?  Phil just channeled a detailed history of my college years.  Kudos.

Detroit is the biggest problem. The Sox were 16 games behind the Tigers in 2007 and five in '06, when Detroit went to the World Series, and owner Mike Ilitch and GM Dave Dombrowski just keep making the roster stronger.

The Indians, who were one win from the World Series in October, are almost as big an issue. They're bringing back a 96-win team intact.

I'm going to follow Phil's lead here and just regurgitate verbiage I've previously written.

Prospects matter, right?  The Tigers traded seven of their top eleven prospects for Cabrera and Renteria.  That's their whole farm system.  

Five of the prospects were pitchers, something the Tigers could quickly be in need of when Kenny Rogers' arm falls off, Bonderman and Willis continue to be Bonderman and Willis and the bullpen does their best imitation of the '07 White Sox (don't mess with Jason Grilli and Bobby Seay - it will only bring you pain).  Again, they should score a shitload of runs.  Again.  No.  Pitching.

The Indians are indeed 'intact', meaning to match 96 wins this year, Byrd, Westbrook, Carmona, Betancourt and Borowski have to match or exceed last year's pitching numbers. 

I wouldn't put money on it.  You?

While the math doesn't seem to add up for them, Williams and Sox Chairman Jerry Reinsdorf remain undaunted. Reinsdorf continues to spend millions — the payroll could be in the range of $115 million to $120 million, behind only the Yankees, Red Sox, Tigers and Angels — and Williams keeps trading away minor-leaguers he will miss down the road, all in the hope of being one of 2008's surprises.

The math Phil refers to is the number of games the Sox were behind the Tigers in the standings the last two years.  How that relates to this year, IDK.  Do they carry over?  Is that a new rule I missed?

The White Sox payroll this year will NOT be in the $115-$120 million range this year.  Why Phil insists on this number is beyond me.  I think he thinks it's impressive because it fits into his dipshit argument that Reinsdorf is irresponsibly spending money.

Here are the numbers.  With Crede and Uribe, the payroll sits at just under $110 million.  They receive $8.5 million in cash considerations from the Angels and Phillies.  Crede will be traded and Uribe could be traded.  That's $5 million for Crede and $4.5 million for Uribe.  Take those off the books and the payroll sits at around $100 million, a $8 million decrease from last year.

And he makes it sound like Kenny traded away the farm in Tigers-like proportions.

Again.  Gio Gonzalez was the only guy that even smelled the 2007's top-100 prospect list

The Cubs are positioned for a second straight playoff appearance and for once might have history on their side. Hey, this is the year if they're going to win a World Series every 100 years.

Lame Cub fan joke.

His investors won't be real happy about another 10 percent drop in attendance, and the only way to sell tickets in August and September is to win. No one knows this better than the Sox, which may be why they are so willing to take a chance on spitting into the wind.

Help me out.  The Sox get a Gold Glove shortstop and the quintessential number two hitter in Orlando Cabrera and a solid number five hitter and guy who plays multiple positions well in Nick Swisher.  They also get a guy who is considered one of the top five set-up men in baseball in Scott Linebrink and add an admitted risk with serious upside in Octavio Dotel.  Not sexy names but who cares?  

How is this spitting into the wind? They addressed their biggest issues from last year!

They take a chance by relying on Floyd and Danks.  Sure.  But aren't they recent prospects who only just lost that tag?

Floyd's a risk but Danks showed signs last year of being a pretty good pitcher.

Nobody is saying that, on paper, the White Sox are equal to the talent on the Indians and Tigers.  But it's not lights years away as Phil wants us to believe.

Seriously.  Beat another drum, Phil.  This is getting boring for me.

He didn't.  Phil's comprehensive AL Central preview just posted today.  

Next Category: I'll Take The Fucking Obvious For 10,000

Gee, do ya think that people that can't afford to go to the doctor might not be getting check ups as regularly as people who can? What insight.

More advanced cancer seen in uninsured Americans By Will Dunham
Mon Feb 18, 1:30 AM ET

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Uninsured Americans and those in a government health program for the poor are far more likely to have advanced diseases when diagnosed with cancer than those with private coverage, researchers said on Sunday.

A major factor seems to be that many of these people are not getting routine screenings for various types of cancer that could detect the disease in its early stages when it is most treatable and least deadly, according to the researchers.

Led by Dr. Michael Halpern of the American Cancer Society, the team examined data on 3.7 million Americans diagnosed with 12 common types of cancer between 1998 and 2004.

The uninsured were 2.1 times as likely and those covered by Medicaid 80 percent more likely to have advanced-stage cancer at the time of their first cancer diagnoses compared with those with private health insurance.

The study published in the medical journal Lancet Oncology also showed blacks and to a lesser extent Hispanics, regardless of insurance status, were more likely than whites to have advanced cancer when first diagnosed.

The government estimates there are 47 million people without health insurance in a country of about 300 million people. Health care is a prominent issue in the U.S. presidential campaign.

"We consistently found across a wide variety of cancers that uninsured individuals and those covered by Medicaid were more likely to be diagnosed with advanced disease," Halpern said in a telephone interview.

"And this was especially true for the cancers that could be diagnosed early by screening, like colorectal cancer, or have symptoms early in disease like bladder cancer," Halpern added.

The increased risk for later-stage diagnosis also was seen in diseases such as breast and lung cancer as well as the skin cancer melanoma.

Many cancers respond well to treatment when caught in their earliest stages, before cancer cells have spread from one part of the body to other parts. More advanced cancer is much harder to treat and much more likely to kill.

The nationwide findings confirmed similar results of more limited studies looking at particular regions of the country dating from the 1990s. The data used in the new study came from a database containing information on about three-quarters of people diagnosed with cancer in the United States.

Medicaid is a state-federal program that helps pay for health care for low-income people, the disabled and some others. Individual states determine who is eligible and what services are covered.

Regarding racial and ethnic disparities, Halpern said explanations may include problems in patient-doctor communication and health literacy, as well as less trust of the medical care system among blacks and Hispanics.

This Is Awful For So Many Reasons...

The horror....the horror....

My Indifference Knows No Bounds

Yesterday's sporting landscape encapsulated why February is my Sports Month of Purgatory. No baseball, no football and college basketball is a minor distraction at best. Tried hockey but just can't get that into it.
The choices were a) the Daytona 500 or b) the NBA All-Star game (and I use the term 'game' loosely). Two sports I couldn't be more indifferent towards. I understand there are people who are into them but for me, it was choosing between what I would rather pour down my throat: Drano or Liquid Plumber.
I really don't care on way or the other about NASCAR. It's sort of the equivalent of a retarded cousin that lives far away on the sports landscape for me. I just sort of ignore it. But I do have one question for a fan of it (if anyone who reads this blog is), does the fucking season ever really end? Didn't it just get over like 2 weeks ago? (Ed. note-- just found it- the last race is in mid November and the new season starts mid-February!Shit,, I've waited longer at Starbuck's (cymbal crash) Sorry, folks, but that's ridiculous. Even the NHL has a longer time between end of and beginning of next.)
And the NBA All-Star game is a bastardized version of a bullshit league. Yes the athleticism is amazing but how many whirly birds or alley oops can you see before it becomes redundant? I don't follow the NBA, never have, but even the most ardent NBA fan has to admit that their all-star game is bullshit. Actually, they all are but when the fucking PRO BOWL is "Die Hard" compared to your "Mullholland Drive", it may be time to put it to pasture. Fat chance.
I'm not about to advocate everyone packing heat in order to avoid what happened at NIU but I have always had one question: Why aren't security guards armed? That would alleviate alot of this. The one instance where the guards were was in Colorado when the Nutbag of the Week went ape shit at the Ted Hagar church. Guess what? The guard shot the asshole before he could take out more people. Saved a few lives. I'm not saying it would've made a difference last week but if a security guard would've been armed at say, Columbine, a few people would still be alive today.
And if you are one of these people that feels there is no hope and you have the urge to kill: Seek help. If you think you're beyond help and want to end it, please do. Kill yourself and leave the rest of us out of it.
Can we please get rid of the phrase "Size Does Matter"? It's not remotely clever.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Still Funny.

Chettles is suing the man who gave him a profound beatdown and...
Allstate Arena, Aramark Sports and Village of Rosemont?

Of course this is typical shit that happens when a lawyer get in someone's ear and pontificates about the infinite possibilities of fantasyland-like paydays.

But why stop at the city?  Sue the state, the US government or better yet...

Sue humanity.  File a complaint against the brutal nature of man.  

Sue Hobbes for justifying it.

This was infinitely hilarious when it happened, infinitely assholish that he formally files right after getting all anti-semitic and infinitely sad that Chet still warrants any ink at all.

And this is how sad he has become.  Check out his "Please hire me...Please." website.

He had an absolute right to sue the man who popped him.  Now that he's attempting the superlatively stupid move of suing the city, he formally relinquishes that right on the grounds of being an unbelievable douche-bag.

Chet.  Take your ass-kicking like a man and go home.


On other notes:

Joe Cowley and Chris De Luca of the Sun-Times have started a White Sox Blog. Check it out.  

ESPN whined to YouTube about the Chris Berman videos and YouTube relented.  The videos are no longer available on the website.  

But fear not, my friends.  The wonderful people over at Deadspin transferred all the clips onto a localized player before they were taken down and the videos are now available in perpetuity. 

Will Leitch is my hero.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Friday Isn't For Thinking...

Lyle the Intern, ladies & gentlemen:

And the beginning:

Letterman's still great, but this is old Letterman - Late Night Letterman that made him the best thing on television.

It's Jimmi Simpson, BTW.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Nothing To See Here...Move Along!

I know there's a war going on and this probably shouldn't even be mentioned but, HOLY FUCK! Can you say, "Cover Up"?

Belichick has been taping since 2000, Goodell tells Specter

By LAURIE KELLMAN, Associated Press WriterFebruary 13, 2008
WASHINGTON (AP) -- Bill Belichick has been illegally taping opponents' defensive signals since he became the
New England Patriots' coach in 2000, according to Sen. Arlen Specter, who said NFL commissioner Roger Goodell told him that during a meeting Wednesday.
"There was confirmation that there has been taping since 2000, when Coach Belichick took over," Specter said.
Specter said Goodell gave him that information during the 1-hour, 40-minute meeting, which was requested by Specter so the commissioner could explain his reasons for destroying the Spygate tapes and notes.

"There were a great many questions answered by Commissioner Goodell," Specter, the senior Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee, told reporters after the meeting. "I found a lot of questions unanswerable because of the tapes and notes had been destroyed."
Goodell said Belichick told him he believed the taping was legal; Goodell said he did not concur.
"He said that's always been his interpretation since he's been the head coach," the commissioner said. "We are going to agree to disagree on the facts."
Specter, from Pennsylvania, wants to talk to other league officials about what exactly was taped and which games may have been compromised.
"We have a right to have honest football games," he said.
Goodell noted that "we were the ones that disclosed" the Patriots' illegal taping of the
New York Jets' defensive signals in Week 1 of last season. Further, Goodell said, they had an admission by Belichick.
"I have nothing to hide," Goodell said.
Goodell also told Specter that that he doesn't regret destroying the Spygate tapes or the notes.
"I think it was the right thing to do," Goodell said.
Still, Specter wants to know why penalties were imposed on Belichick before the full extent of the wrongdoing was known and the tapes destroyed in a two-week span. Asked if he thinks there was a coverup, Specter demurred.
"There was an enormous amount of haste," Specter said.
He scoffed at the reasons Goodell gave for destroying the tapes and notes, particularly about trying to keep them out of competitors' hands and because Belichick had admitted to the taping.
"What's that got to do with it? There's an admission of guilt, you preserve the evidence," Specter said. As for keeping the tapes out of the hands of others: "All you have to do is lock up the tapes."
Belichick was fined $500,000 and the team was fined $250,000 because of the Spygate incident. The Patriots also forfeited a first-round draft pick.
Specter has questioned the quality of the NFL's investigation into the matter and raised the possibility of congressional hearings if he wasn't satisfied with Goodell's answers. Specter also raised the threat of Congress canceling the league's antitrust exemption and reiterated that in the meeting with Goodell.
Goodell also said he has not heard from Matt Walsh, the former Patriots employee who performed some videotaping duties for the team.
Walsh told The Associated Press last week during the Pro Bowl in Hawaii that he couldn't talk about allegations that he taped a walkthrough practice by the
St. Louis Rams before the 2002 Super Bowl. New England, a two-touchdown underdog, won that game 20-17.
Goodell said he has offered Walsh a deal whereby "he has to tell the truth and he has to return anything he took improperly" in return for indemnity. Specter said he, too, wanted to talk to Walsh and perhaps offer a different deal.
Goodell also said he reserves the right to reopen the investigation if more information is uncovered.

Phil Watch: Sneaking one in under the deadline.

Interesting that Phil buried his White Sox preview between a jerkfest 2008 Cubs preview and a Clemens offering.
Seriously.  An afterthought if there ever was one.

Where's all the sunshine and roses predictions?  Where's all the purple prose like 'it was a cold January night' or 'Theriot's a throwback to the 30s and 40s'?

Along with the jewelry worn by White Sox coaches and many front-office types, those guys are all that's left from the magical 2005 season at U.S. Cellular Field. The team that went 110-64 that season has gone 104-135 over the last season and a half. That is staggering, the equivalent of a shift from 102 to 70 wins over a 162-game season.

Hey Sox fans.  Do you know your team was bad last year?

You can't say Chairman Jerry Reinsdorf isn't trying. That's what makes it so amazing that his team finished 24 games behind Cleveland and 16 behind Detroit a year ago.

Again.  Sox fans?  Do you know your team was bad last year?  We're over a third of the way into the preview and Phil has told us the Sox were not good at baseball last year.

Not everything is bleak for Sox fans. Mark Buehrle and Paul Konerko are two veterans who are still around. These are the foundation guys, steady performers who never back down from responsibility...Physically, they're fine.

This is what is called 'damning them with faint praise'.

Fans also should appreciate that Reinsdorf and Williams are trying to win, even if the powerful nature of the American League Central competition screams "Rebuild."

Second time 'trying' is used pejoratively.  And can we stop talking about the AL Central like it's five teams reminiscent of the '27 Yankees?  

Let's review bottom to top:

Royals - nice, young team.  Fun to watch.  Almost cute in a way.  Still a year from even sniffing .500.

Twins - Traded Johan Santana.  Michael Cuddyer now seen as one of their marquee players. Nuff said.

Indians - Good team.  96-66 last year.  That's good.  I ran this down here.  Again.  Westbrook, Byrd and Laffey scare you?  How about Betancourt and Borowski?  

Tigers - starting rotation:  Verlander, Bonderman, Willis, Rogers and Robertson.  Bonderman was 2-8 with a 7.38 ERA in the second half of last year.  Dontrelle Willis had a great 2005. Take that year out of his career numbers and he's 46-44 with a 4.55 ERA and a 1.43 WHIP.  Kenny Rogers?  43 years-old and coming up left shoulder surgery.  Check out their bullpen.  That's bad.  Offensively, they're loaded.  But they will have to outscore teams.  Never an enviable position.

I believe Williams made a mistake in the calculated risk he took by continuing to deal many of his best prospects — such as Fautino de los Santos, Gio Gonzalez, Ryan Sweeney, Chris Carter and Aaron Cunningham —in hopes of catching the Indians and Tigers.

Yes, Phil.  You've made that abundantly clear.  And in return, the Sox got Nick Swisher, a guy with with an .836 OPS last year and Carlos Quentin, a guy with a career minor league OPS of .940.  OPS is important, right?

In 2007, Williams somehow permitted Jerry Owens (who needed 99 at-bats to drive in his first big-league run), Andy Gonzalez, Danny Richar and Alex Cintron to combine for 917 at-bats. In other words, one of every six at-bats for the White Sox went to these guys, who combined for 11 home runs and 62 RBIs.

Somehow?  They.  Were.  Bad!  And.  Injured!  Williams and Guillen wanted to see what they had!  Did you watch any of the games last year?  And guess what?  They found out they were not that good and made some trades.  And guess what again?  These were prospects.  You know, those types of people you inexplicably wet your pants over.  

Make up your mind, please.  Prospects -  good or bad?

Mike Caruso, as bad a big-league player as there ever was, got only 155 more at-bats during his career and drove in 28 more runs. So essentially the Sox had two Carusos in the lineup every game last year. This is the slingshot approach for slaying a Goliath.

What?  The?  Fuck?  I mean, where do I begin?  Mike Caruso?  This is just lazy, bad writing. Does Phil actually think Richar, Owens and Gonzalez broke camp with the Sox last year?  If you're going to do a preview of the White Sox, please watch actual White Sox baseball games. It seems like the proper thing to do. 

Mercifully, Williams has upgraded by adding shortstop Orlando Cabrera and Nick Swisher, who figures to be force-fit into center field. A platoon of Carlos Quentin and Owens could be interesting in left field. Octavio Dotel and Scott Linebrink improve the bullpen.

In a White Sox preview, Phil mentions the acquisitions of Orlando Cabrera, Nick Swisher and Carlos Quentin in the absolutely last paragraph.  

Cabrera, considered by many to be the best defensive shortstop in the league and a guy who is coming off his best offensive year of his career.  Swisher, a guy who plays multiple positions very well, is only 27 and is locked in until 2011 for an extremely reasonable price.  And Quentin, a guy with an incredible arm, walks a ton and hits baseballs very far.  

Now that's a balanced look at your 2008 Chicago White Sox, gentlemen.